Easter and a Visit to the Barber's!

I was originally going to do a post about my three-monthly visit a couple of days ago to my barber’s who’s always talking dirty and telling me sick jokes (and who on this occasion nicked me just below the ear!), but then I thought that as Easter had caught up with me, it being Good Friday today, it would be more in keeping with the moment if I said something about the paschal season, though what exactly I’m not sure. Hey, that was an awfully long sentence!

I say it's Good Friday today but in literally a couple of minutes we lurch into Shopping Saturday and it's farewell Good Friday! So I've just made it. But now I've got to get my thoughts together and say something awesomely profound and thought-provoking about this specific moment in the year, second only to Christmas in this part of the world but superior to Christmas in other parts. It's really six of one and half-a-dozen of the other because if Jesus had not been born (Christmas) Christianity might never have come into existence. On the other hand, if Jesus had not become the Christ and then risen after being crucified, it could have had the same result again. So it's hard to decide which of the two is more important and perhaps there's no point in even trying to do so. Both conditions are indispensable for the outcome that we want and for Christianity to exist. 

My Barber

Have you ever wondered why the day on which our Lord was vilely abused, lashed, tortured, and cruelly put to death by crucifixion is called Good Friday? No, not the ‘Friday’ part, clever cloggs, the ‘Good’ part. I mean, what’s good about all that? Well, there are a couple of possible explanations and they're all available on the Internet, as is everything else, so don't expect me to waste valuable virtual paper and real time setting them out here. Just take a virtual trip to the virtual place that provides information on this... virtually! And remember: if it ain't virtual, it ain't real!


I could say that I went for a haircut so as to smarten up for Easter, and I'm half tempted to say that, but the truth of the matter is that my head of hair, though slightly thinner at the top than it was a few years ago, was taking over my head and face and I was beginning to look a bit like John the Baptist without the beard and moustache. At least I assume he had a beard and tache because we're led to believe they all had that in those distant days, especially the prophets (though not the women, I should add!), as it gave them an air of gravitas and wisdom and was also all the rage at the time. Apart from a few fugitives from the 1960s, who think that a long untidy mop of hair is still in fashion, most blokes nowadays are either purposely bald or have a number one haircut, which is the next best thing to a bald bonce! Of course one day they will all end up bald or as good as and won't have the option they have now, but it seems we never miss it till we've lost it.

But coming back to the Easter theme, Holy Week doesn't seem to deter killers and terrorists from going about their usual business of... well... killing and terrorising! If one watches the news bulletins, it's business as usual all over the world and general all-round beastliness is not suspended even in nominally Christian nations. The business of aggression and assault is too important to break off, even for a day or two. There are too many people to kill and terrorise to let a backlog build up. Besides, it could set a bad precedent for the future and end up interfering with the wicked ways of evil men, a breed that abounds in the world and always has. 

Easter Party for Druggies

Well, there you have it, loyal readers, just a few of my random ramblings, a new angle on Easter and a quick word on my haircut and on my delightful toilet-mouthed sex-fiend of a barber! How are they related, you may ask, and, though I confess it is a tenuous link, a link it is nonetheless and it is that of coinciding chronologically. Haircut Wednesday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday. It all ties in. And if you think this all a little odd, just feast your eyes on the rocambolesque scene in the picture here which would have done Alice proud as she wandered around her Wonderland! It's all going on here and it rather resembles the unchecked lunatic content of some sick sod's sleep-induced imaginings!


As I drove home from the barber's sporting a brand new haircut, I thought long and hard about the Easter story in the context of the state of the world today and it was then that the seeds of a blog post began to germinate in my sick mind. The state of the world was a subject that was bottomless and fathomless, but my visit to the barber was not. Christ's suffering and sacrifice were clear enough and his overriding message was clear too. My silly haircut was not so easy to understand and wasn't even worth contemplating. When I got home and looked in the mirror, it looked even sillier and I had no wig in the house to cover up my embarrassment. If long hair was good enough for Jesus, why was it not for me? Can you imagine the Messiah with short back and sides? Had he worn his hair short, as short as I wore it then, the course of Christianity might have been very different. Indeed, Christianity might never have taken hold! And that is just too awesome to contemplate!! 


I look forward to Sunday morning when Christ the Lord is resurrected, though it is painful to think he will be put through all of it again just a week later for the benefit of Orthodox Christians, a sort of ultimate double whammy! If I needed to visit the barber's twice in the space of a week or so I'd be hopping mad - how much more for something a trillion times more serious than a silly haircut! And if you saw the haircut I got, you would think it silly too! In fact, this past twenty years or more, all my haircuts have been silly and embarrassing, no matter what barber I go to. Perhaps that's the difference between a barber and a hairdresser?

Dialogues with God II

Man:  Hey, God, where are you? I need to talk to you.



Hey, God!

God: Well, what’s the matter now, old fellow? Why are you looking so down at the mouth?
M: You've noticed. I’m feeling depressed, you know how it is.
G: No, I don’t know how it is. What on earth are you depressed about at this joyful time of the year?
M: Well, that’s just it, you’ve put your finger on it.
G: Put my finger on what precisely?
M: It’s the Christmas thing, the whole shebang.
G: This Christmas thing? The whole shebang? I’m not sure I like the sound of that.
M: Well, it’s true. Christmas just gets me down.
G: This shebang, as you call it, is the celebration of my beloved son’s birth, divine spirit made into human flesh. This shebang is about the Saviour of mankind. And all you can do is mope around and complain?
M: Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, God, and it’s not really about your son.
G: Not really about my son? It’s Christmas... Christ... mass... and you say it’s not really about my son, the anointed Christ? Kindly explain yourself before you incur my divine wrath and I send down a lightning bolt to turn you into a heap of smouldering dust!
M: No, no, you don’t understand! What I meant is that it’s more about me and the way I feel rather than your son Jesus or Christ or whatever you call him.
G: Tell me more, because I’m still mad at you and I haven’t given up the idea of making you go up in a puff of smoke!
M: Calm down, God, and I’ll explain.
G: Go on, I’m listening...
M: Well, there isn’t much to it, really. But in simple terms, all this Christmas business... you know... all the shopping, present-buying, card-sending, carol-singing, goodwill to all men lark... and even the partying, boozing and bingeing that goes with it... all this enforced merry-making and jollity... is doing my mind in. It’s not my thing really.
G: Not your thing? I could take this personally and turn you into a leper this very second , but you’ve roused my curiosity now. What IS your thing then?
M: Well, it’s not so much that it’s not my thing, some of it IS my thing, like the noshing and boozing, but the rest of it I could do without. I mean, I lost my job this year, our mortgage payments went up and we’ve fallen behind with them, the price of everything in the shops has hit the fuckin’ roof, I’m pretty-well skint, the missus is spending the social money on presents like there’s no tomorrow, and we’ve got to go around smiling and laughing and be joyful in front of the kids and everyone else just because your son was born on this day a couple of thousand years ago. And the worst thing about it is that he probably wasn’t even born on 26 December!
G: Hmmmm... I see what you mean. I’m still hurting but I see your point. I must admit I don’t rightly remember myself when he was born exactly, but that doesn’t really matter, it’s the principle not the date that’s important. As for the rest, I can see you’re not having a great time of it, but Christmas comes just once a year and you could make an effort, for the kids at least.
M: Yeah, sure, for the kids. I haven’t got a penny to my name, we’re about to lose our house, I’m unemployable, the kids are driving me round the twist, the wife’s giving me grief every day cos things are getting shittier by the day, and you want me to make an effort. That’s just great!
G: You’re not a believer, are you, old man?
M: Believer? I suppose not.
G: No suppose about it. You’ve lost your faith.
M: Well, maybe I have. What’s that got to do with anything?
G: It has everything to do with anything.
M: Oh yeah? Like what?
G: Listen, my friend, I want to help you.
M: Help me? You’ve never helped me before all the times we’ve talked, so why should you help me now?
G: What’s gone on in the past is not necessarily relevant to what could happen now. Why do you think I’m having these chats with you?
M: I’ve asked myself that and I don’t have an answer. Maybe it’s to make me lose my mind. I’ve made the mistake of telling my wife about you and she told me to pull myself together and not mention it to another soul. She’s starting to think I’m mentally unbalanced. That’s what you’ve done to me!
G: That’s what you’ve done to yourself, old fellow! And I advise you to keep all this to yourself. But let’s get back to the matter in hand.
M: And what’s the matter in hand other than I’ve fucked my life up and everyone thinks I’m a born fuckin’ loser?
G: The matter in hand is that I can help you get things back on track if you do as I ask you.
M: Well the first part sounds good but I’m not so sure about the second part.
G: Well that’s the deal, my friend. Remember, I’m the Almighty and I can do anything I want. Nonetheless, I want you to do your part.
M: Okay, let me have the deal.
G: It’s simple. Turn back to me... err... to God.
M: What does that mean?
G: Embrace the faith again.
M: Are you having a laugh?
G: No. I’m deadly serious. Do you accept the deal or not?
M: Hmmm... maybe... depends on what it means.
G: It means that you should say your prayers every day, go to church every Sunday and on all religious holidays, bring Me back into your life and go back to being a real Christian.
M: Jesus! Oh, sorry...
G: That’s one bad habit you’ll have to put an end to. Now, do you accept the deal?
M: Hang on, you haven’t told me yet what’s in it for me.
G: Oh yes, I forgot. Well, simply put, it would mean the end of all your problems.
M: How’s that then?
G: Never mind how, just trust me. All I ask is that you come back to me, and then I’ll make all your problems go away. One by one, little by little, you’re life will turn around and happiness and fulfilment will come back into it.
M: You’re asking a lot of me, God.
G: I don’t think so, especially as the benefits for you are immeasurable.
M: You’re right. For a deal like that I would sign my life away to the devil himself!
G: Bite your tongue! For that remark alone I should take back the deal and send you to him to do just that! You ungrateful fellow!
M: I’m sorry, God, I’m sorry, it just came out, I didn’t mean it.
G: Okay. Now I don’t have much time, I have a lot of things to do today. So let me have your answer now.
M: Alright, alright... it’s a deal! I’ll do what you say if you get me out of this mess.
G: Good man! Here’s the contract to sign...
M: Contract?
G: Of course. You don’t think we could tie up a deal without making a binding agreement, do you?
M: I hadn’t really thought of that.
G: Well, that’s the deal, take it or leave it. Sign on the dotted line and your life will be transformed for the better.
M: I’ll sign, yes. Give me the contract and I’ll sign it.

..........................

 God? Lord? Where are you? Where’s the contract? What’s happened? Where are you, God? Speak to me... speak to me... please... I said I’ll sign the contract... come back... I’ll sign... where are you, Lord? Where are you? I’ll sign... I’ll sign... I’ll sign.... don’t leave me, Lord... I’ll sign....

Passers-by wonder at the incoherent mutterings of the vagrant sprawled in the shop doorway and hurry on past, shaking their heads, as the night turns bitterly cold.

Easter Thoughts

Here we are again at another Easter and, whether you're a believer or not, it is the commemoration of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the founder of Christiany, and it is also the hope and promise of everlasting life. Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for all humanity and we mark this occasion every year, as has been done for thousands of years now by Christians all round the world. Like it or loathe it, Easter is celebrated in church halls up and down the country and at many other venues and, like Christmas, it is a time of the year when perhaps a little pause for reflexion and stock-taking would not go amiss in the hustle and bustle of our ever-more hectic lives. So what is the Christmas message exactly and have we lived up to it in our modern-day world?

I would first like to make it clear that in trying to understand the significance of Easter, I am not advocating any particular philosophy, doctrine or belief, and that I am addressing both believers and non-believers. My purpose is not to attempt to convert anyone to Christianity but to make some general observations on where we stand today on the whole subject of Easter. So I am not preaching at anyone, just conveying my own personal thoughts.

Around 2,000 years ago a man called Jesus taught us how to lead a good life, how to conduct ourselves and how to treat our fellow man. And he was prepared to back up his beliefs by sacrificing himself. In doing so he hoped that mankind would learn the lesson and embark on the path that he had set before us, the path to a better life, the path to justice, selflessness, love and righteousness. So how are we doing so far?

It seems that we have misunderstood Jesus's message somewhere along the way and we've created a society of greed, gluttony, vanity, avarice, and selfishness, with Money as our God and its pursuit as our life's aim.  This has always been the case, of course, just as in Jesus's time, but now I think we have perfected a society of greed and gluttony and, with no longer any belief in God to curb our appetites and our overweening ambition, we can give free rein to the dictates of our avarice and egotism with no pangs of conscience to hold us back. Anything that matters has a price on it and anything that cannot be priced is valueless, not to say worthless. We only seem to understand the intrinsic worth of anything if it bears a price tag.

Though we appear to prize human virtues and praise moral rectitude, the truth of the matter is that  beyond wanting the well-being of people who contribute to our happiness and well-being in life and without whom even wealth would be meaningless, again a purely selfish motive when you really think about it, our life is given over to self-enrichment and self-promotiion and there is little of Christianity or any other doctrine of selflessness and self-sacrifice. Jesus may have sacrificed himself for humanity, for us, for the salvation of mankind and the world, but we would not sacrifice a a hair on our head if it meant foregoing one of our creature comforts. 

But the truly frightening thing when one considers the Easter story in a modern context is that if Jesus were to come upon this earth again, he could expect a similar reception and a similar outcome. Though he would not be crucified today, some other method of death would probably await him, perhaps in the manner of Martin Luther King or Gandhi, so as to silence him forever.  After all, everything that Jesus preached would be an attack on our society as it exists today and would harm the financial interests of practically everyone. Only the poor and the dispossessed would be likely to welcome his message, but of course power does not lie with them and, as in Jesus's time when Rome ruled the Holy Land, it would be the rich and powerful who would be the effective instrument of his downfall and dispatch.

(to be completed)

My Birthday

Yes, it's my birthday and I'm wishing myself a happy birthday on here. It would be nice to have lots of fellow bloggers wishing me a happy birthday but, since that is about as likely as my growing a pair of wings and taking to the skies, I'm doing the job myself! How old am I? Well, let's just say I'm one year older than I was last year on this day, and leave it at that, shall we? After all, it's rude to ask a gentleman his age.

Needless to say, having my birthday on the day after Jesus's birthday, is no fun, in fact it's pretty shitty, as you might imagine. It means it is completely overshadowed by Christmas, that I have always received one lot of presents, taking in Christmas and my birthday, and that friends and family have been too busy organising for Christmas to think too much about my birthday. This bothered me when I was a child and a teenager and when people's presents and presence were very important to me, but it has long ceased to concern me now that I am much older and do not even really want to celebrate my birthday. But having one's birthday so close to Christmas day has been and always will be crappy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

Just take a look at that dark chocolate mousse cake. Wicked, isn't it? If the devil had a birthday cake, you might imagine it looking something like that. The blackest of chocolate with a forest of burning candles as a hairdo. If you manage to avoid singeing your eyebrows on those candles, the over-rich concentrated mass of chocolate is sure to make you sick as a parrot!

And of course we mustn't forget the presents. The above two are not mine, by the way. They only serve as props to give me an excuse to write about Xmas presents. They are 'generic' presents; often representative of presents whose wrapping is better than their content! In fact, with lovely wrapping such as this, if the gift inside isn't any good, you find yourself regretting you damaged the wrapping when you opened it up and now you can't use it to wrap up another present.

The Light of the World

The imposing figure of Christ the Redeemer, arms outstretched, stands like a lonely sentinel on its lofty perch atop Corcovado mountain high above the sprawling city of Rio de Janeiro, with which it is now inseparably linked in people's minds. Some devout pilgrims have said that they have seen Christ weep. And those that believe in him are certain that he must weep to see the sad state of the world today.

One day, seeing such misery down below, Jesus raised his voice to his Father in Heaven, and spake these words: "Oh Heavenly Father of mine, my heart is heavy with sorrow at what i see below me, at the poverty, hardship and wickedness that afflicts mankind. Pray tell me if there is ought I can do to drive back the tide of evil that is now engulfing the human race and I will do it to the full. What shall I do, my Father, what shall I do?"

And his Father spake unto him, saying: "Alas, my son, there is nothing more for thee to do on Earth. Man must fashion his own destiny and wreak his own end. Thou hast done what was entrusted to thee, carried out thy mission, and paid the ultimate price. Now thou must seek to comfort those who call upon thee, give hope to those that believe in thee, embrace those that seek solace through thee, and enlighten those that endeavour to spread the Word to all who will hear it."

And Jesus replied: "But Father, it pains me so to see Man steeped in such mortal sin. I can hardly bear to witness day after day so much misery and so much sorrow in the world and do nothing. Thou didst send me once to bring hope and forgiveness and redemption and love to mankind. Canst thou not send me again?"

And the Lord his Father answered: "Were I to send thee again, my Son, to walk among men, thy fate would be no different and the outcome no better. Man has not learnt the lessons of the past nor foresaken worldly desires. Therefore be content to be what thou art, a symbol of hope and love and peace and the way to the Kingdom of Heaven. And let thy outstretched arms embrace all those who call upon thy name and mine. Thy mere presence is like a beacon of light showing the way to eternal salvation. Thou art the bridge between heaven and earth. " And Jesus took to heart the words of his Father and the Creator of all living things and of all that is in the vast Universe, and sought not to question further his Heavenly Father.

And many were those in the city below who, looking up at the statuesque figure of Christ on high at this very moment, saw it bathed in a brilliant celestial light. And they stopped what they were doing and marvelled at the wondrous sight. And a strange peace descended upon them and hope entered their heart once again. And when the shining light had subsided it was as if a heavy burden had been lifted from them, and they broke into spontaneous conversation with their fellow men, unable to contain their joy at what they had seen and felt.

For Jesus had seemed to speak to them, saying: "I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not live in darkness, but will have the light of life. "