Back soon??? Yes!!!

This is just to let my hundreds of avid readers and fans everywhere know that despite my protracted absence I've not abandoned my blog and that I'll be back soon with more hard-hitting no-punches-pulled exposés of the burning issues of the day or meandering trips down memory lane (for the more nostalgic).

Je reviens bientot!

At the moment I'm on some sun-drenched beach somewhere half way round the world in the tropics staring out to sea or ogling some gorgeous chick's natural assets and I can't concentrate on serious stuff. Lamentable, I know, but nonetheless true... sometimes.

My attention span is on tourist mode, which means that I'm only using about 20% of my brain, which is more than enough for leisure purposes until I get back to the real world, or at least what passes for the real world for me. Everyone has their own reality.

When I get back to base I will most likely breathe new life into this blog of mine and revamp it, as I've noticed that there are some new so-called 'dynamic views' on offer in Blogger now, but I need more brain-power for this so as to make the right choices and not cock things up!

So there you have it, devotees and acolytes.... sit tight, watch this space and your patience will be rewarded with more intellectual stimulation and spiritual nourishment on my return. To those that wait, it shall be given in abundance.To those that believe, it shall... well, you get the idea, I think.

Bye for now.

Back to Reality

I’m back! What? No-one noticed I was gone? Damn and blast!!

Anyway, I’ve been away from my blog for some while now, partly due to not having anything much to say about anything but mainly to my being away in foreign shores, soaking up the sun and staring out to sea whilst ingesting copious amounts of soft drinks, oysters and cashew nuts, none of which is calculated to do the waistline any good!

Not your typical beach pic but more 'scenic'

Still, gluttony and excess will have their way, but now it’s time to try and shed those extra pounds by a diet of carrots and lettuce leaves. Not for nothing is it called the ‘Rabbit Diet’. Munch, munch.

There was also the carnival, a time of enforced revelry and legitimised lunacy when all other life came to a standstill. I too was swept up in the general mood of merriment and mayhem but managed to get away with the minimum participation.


When I got back on home ground it was cold and grey, as usual, and the sun and the heat were already but a distant memory. It was back to warm woolly socks, jumpers and jackets. But that was then and this is now. It’s warmed up again and now we’re on 18ºC! Still, can’t really compare with night-time 28ºC and daytime 38ºC at my holiday destination. But at least I’m comfortable in clothes now and have no desire to run around butt-naked to relieve my discomfort.

Back to the routine also means back to reality, and reality is nearly all bad. The world has gone mad and everyone seems to be up in arms in the Arab countries in a chain reaction to oust the oligarchic regimes that reign there, Japan is on the brink of national collapse after suffering earthquakes, tsunamis and radiation leaks, and the European economies are sinking ever deeper into the murky waters of austerity and teetering on the edge of national bankruptcy. We’re all worse off - it's official - with some much more than others. Man-made tragedies vie with natural disasters for the top position in destructiveness. It’s got too scary to even look out of the window, let alone go outside!

Crikey, it's too fuckin' scary out there!

Indoors is the safest place in a world where no place is safe. Vicarious experience through the telly and the internet and the cellphone are the best options. The real world is a scary place and getting scarier every day. Suddenly the sofa and one’s bed offer infinite attractions at little or no effort and zero cost.

Still, mustn’t grumble, I’m still alive and in one piece and millions of people out there are in a much worse condition. As I write this piece, the sun is shining, the birds singing, the trees budding, there’s a blue sky above, some food in the fridge, I’ve got money in my pocket, and life still seems worth living. Well, let’s face it, it takes a lot to make death more attractive than life, don’t you think? When all’s said and done, death doesn’t have a lot going for it unless of course life has been dumping on you since you were a baby!

Well, that’s enough of that, I need to get back to work now and earn a few bob to re-stock the fridge, otherwise life won’t be worth living!

Absence

For anyone interested (a dubious premise), I've been away for awhile, recharging my batteries (Duracell of course), one might say, which is why I have not been blogging lately. Or to put it another way, I've been in foreign climes, sunning myself on sandy beaches, ogling the sensual señoritas, sampling the local cuisine, bathing in warm tropical waters, and generally living the life of a hedonistic heathen. Nothing out of the ordinary there, you exclaim, and you're probably right, but there's no harm in trying to throw off one's image of the boring old fart and don that of the international playboy, is there? 

And just to give flesh to my words, here I am in an exotic faraway place in tourist mode contemplating the lunch arrangements... amongst other things... Yes, it's true, enjoying oneself can be an awful drudge and has to be meticulously planned. One slip-up and you could go from enjoyment to, well, non-enjoyment! And that would be unthinkable. So you can understand now why I'm in pensive mood. I must get it right.

But now that's all in the past, albeit recent, and I'm back to work and back to reality. Time to pay for the trip and earn another one. Time to roll up my sleeves and get serious.

Island of Your Dreams

I am a fair isle of natural beauty and wondrous enchantment, a green oasis set in a vast ocean. I am clothed in a dense tropical forest which reaches down as far as the shore. There golden sandy beaches stretch for most of my length. I am bathed by warm ocean waters that glisten and sparkle in the afternoon sun. It would be fair to say that I sit in a sea of tranquillity, in an ocean of calm, in an earthly paradise that exists... somewhere out there.

The rain that falls on me is plentiful and it is usually heavy, driving in from the sea and sweeping down in sheets across my length and breadth. It may last for an hour or for a day, but when it is over I feel thoroughly cleansed and reborn. More importantly, it has made me into what I am today, a verdant jewel lush with vegetation. It has filled my forest with life of many forms and colours and of many sounds and songs.

The blue waters that bathe my shores are smooth and crystal-clear and I delight in their warm and gentle caress, in their soothing sibilant murmur. But there are times when, driven by strong offshore winds, they form tall waves that come roaring in, racing up the beach and slamming into anything in their path. And there are times when this coincides with one of the many rainstorms that lash me, and then I am buffeted by wind and drenched by rain, but I never fail to stand my ground.

Yet for all that, I am truly blessed with the best that nature can bestow... sunshine in abundance, waters that cradle me in their gentle embrace, rainfall to satisfy all my flora and fauna, beaches that form a golden girdle around me, a forest that pulses with life and is my beating heart, and... and this is vital to my well-being - a total absence of humankind! Now tell me, what more could an island like me ask for?

Our Summer Holidays

Ahhhhhhh, the summer holidays... that magic season when we traditionally go off to some idyllic destination to sample sea and sun and lazy days on the beach and renew our energies. What would we do and how would we cope if we did not have this yearly break from our labours, this annual excursion to sunnier and lovelier climes where for a few days we can live out our dreams and cast our cares away?

Taking it easy by the sea, hand in hand, exchanging wide-eyed glances, enjoying the moment as only a child can. For a moment life stands still and the ocean expanse fills one's being and gladdens one's soul. We were at the dawn of our lives and out there was a world waiting to be discovered all over again.

We were young and vigorous and full of the joy of life. We ran into the sea that late afternoon, kicking and splashing the water into a bubbly white foam around our legs. The warm water felt good on our skin as we threw ourselves into its soothing embrace and half swam half rolled around in one joyful happy-go-lucky group of friends.

We all partook of those eye-popping tecnicolour cocktails that one only indulges in when on holiday and on show. Their bright primary colours, exotic mix and decorative slices of fruit matched our exuberance and holiday spirits and we drank them down without thought to their effect on our body or our pocket. They were supercharged but so were we!

They were carefree holidays when sun and sea and fun and love merged into one whole to make a heady potion. Evening romps along the seashore where Nature conspired to sharpen our senses and heighten our delights. As the sun went down, it threw its dying but dazzling rays across a swelling sea and tinged the sand with gleaming flecks of gold. The sea surged around us, its tingling coolness lapping at our feet. They were summer days that promised much and made our spirits soar. We had youth, we had passion, we had time to lose, and we were happy.

But all too soon those balmy days were no more and summer's lease of sun and fun was quickly at an end. We came back to live on memories and hopes, though with the knowledge that there would be another summer and another summer fling.

And now, many years later and in the tightening grip of age, we look back on those heady days of youthful passion and irrepressible bravura and wish we could do it all over again if we but had youth on our side. We still go on summer holidays to foreign climes but they are not the ones where once we went and we no longer do what we once did. Summer holidays are still with us, but the days of carefree living in the sun and impetuous loving on sandy shore are long gone and will not return.

As the song says:

"♫ We had joy, ♫ we had fun, ♫ we had seasons in the sun, ♫ but the wine and the song, ♫ like the seasons, ♫ have all gone. ♫♫ We had joy, ♫ we had fun, ♫ we had seasons in the sun, ♫ but the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach. ♫♫"

Ahhhhhhhhhhh....... those summer holidays.

The Old Man by the Sea

The old man would shuffle down to the seafront most days and sit on a low parapet overlooking the beach, staring out to sea for hours on end, hardly stirring. He was always on his own and it was always in the afternoon, and he would often stay there until the sun began to dip below the horizon and the light to fade. He wore a broad-brimmed panama hat to shade him from the glare of the sun and he had a small bag with him containing food and drink to sustain him during his lonely vigil. He would sit there on the beach, watching the tide slowly coming in, the waves breaking on the shore, and the gulls cart-wheeling over the water.

Today was like any other day. The sun beat down relentlessly and the sea sparkled and heaved, driven by a strong wind. The rush and surge of the sea spoke directly to his inner soul and seemed to promise welcome release from the heavy burden of old age. It beckoned to him and its freshening spray turned to a fine mist on the arms of the breeze. The old man saw and felt all this and let out a deep sigh.

The salty sea breeze reached out to him and suddenly caught the sigh, as though snatching the breath of life from the old man, and blew it over the foamy waters.

The head of the old man slumped onto his chest and he rolled forward, falling on his side onto the sand with a dull thud. He stayed there unmoving and his hat slipped off his head and was propelled by the wind across the hot sand and into the feet of a group of boys playing ball nearby. One of them gathered it up and, recognising it as the old man’s hat, ran towards him, but then suddenly stopped short, and stared. The old man continued lying on his side in the sand, motionless and peaceful as though asleep.

The boy looked round at his playmates who were calling to him to get back to the game and the boy dropped the hat beside the old man and started running back, too afraid to nudge the lying figure. The old man’s hat was caught by the wind again and rolled across the beach and the breeze cast it into the sea where it bobbed about on the waves.

The old man did not stir and did not seem to care about anything. He was past caring now and at peace with the world. This day had brought welcome release and... had not been like any other day.