Christmas Thoughts III

It’s Christmas Eve 2011, just minutes away from Christmas Day, and things are quiet in the house - there's not even the sound of a mouse, but as we don't have mice in the house that's hardly surprising!


I've just come back home from collecting my daughter from a friend's house and I've now settled down for the night with a pot of tea and am composing this last-minute post. 


My feelings about Xmas have waxed and waned over the years from the nonchalant to the religious, passing through the various gradations in between. I suppose as I've aged I have become more respectful of the institution of Christmas and more circumspect of its significance, while continuing to question its historical factuality.


That aside, there is one Christmas tradition that I have come to dislike with the passing of the years, that of frenzied shopping and perfunctory present-giving, and I suppose these two acts go hand in hand more or less: if we didn't have to give presents as a rule we wouldn't have to do so much shopping. Or would we? Would we then just buy ourselves more presents instead? Hard to know without putting it to the test, but then we're opening a whole new can of worms.

I'm quite happy about sending Xmas cards but it's the buying and giving of gifts that I find comes in the way of a more relaxed and fulfilled Christmas. If we could find some way of doing away with this millstone of a custom and perhaps  just preserving it at the very most for one's children and closest family members we might be able to enjoy this important festive season, as it would automatically remove the stress and strain that it inflicts on our minds and bodies and on our pockets! It also reeks of materialism, as it seems to put the emphasis on material objects rather than spirituality. And the argument that one is giving to others cuts no ice with me, as we're also expecting to receive (except in the case of children) and if we don't get we don't give next time round.


The thing that really rankles with me is where people who make no attempt to see you all the year round and care not a jot about whether you live or die suddenly turn up on your doorstep laden with Xmas gifts, nearly all of which you don't like, don't need and would never miss. They drop the presents off (they always just drop them off, as they're in a terrible hurry and they have someone waiting in the car outside). You then realise that you haven't bought them anything in return, panic sets in and you are faced with rushing out to the shops at the eleventh hour to spend more money and make amends for your terrible oversight.


So, like it or not you're locked into the treadmill of gift-buying, otherwise those who give gifts to you may never forgive you for your failure to reciprocate and may shun you for the rest of the new year. But wait a moment, you think, that's what they've done anyway in the past. I haven't seen them since last Christmas when they deposited a carrier-bag of cheap shoddy prezzies on my doorstep and rushed off mumbling some excuse, not to be seen again until now! So what have I got to lose if I don't reciprocate? OK, so they'll be miffed, badmouth me for awhile and call me a few names behind my back but I'll be free of the drudge and expense of having to buy them Xmas presents every year.

The reality however is that you don't have the guts to do this and you drive yourself mad racing around the shops in an attempt to find suitable last-minute presents for your yuletide tormentors just so they can think well of you for another year. I recall one case where we had a tardy 'delivery' of Xmas gifts and when we failed to reciprocate, mainly because we were caught on the hop and with little time to correct our sin of omission, there were no more presents from that source when next Christmas came. And we didn't see them at all during the year - exactly as for the prior year when we were still in their good books. So no change there!


I find that devout Christians are the worst. They take the exchange of gifts so seriously, cannot forgive a lapse, and their subsequent vengeance is terrible! They seem to think that the spirit of Christmas is embodied in the buying and giving of gifts and cite the biblical Three Kings or Magi who brought gold, frankincense and myrrh for the infant Jesus. I sometimes wish there were special outlets selling these three items at Christmas at knock-down prices so we didn't have to rack our brains about what to get John and Jill. But alas no such luck! So it's the inevitable rush for that after-shave and that deodorant and that tin of biscuits and that set of toiletries and the odd bottle of cheap booze.


Well, anyway, enough said of that. As I mentioned at the start, this is Xmas Eve, all the buying  of gifts is over and any omissions are irreparable and the consequences must be faced up to in the coming months. It's time to turn one's thoughts back to the Christmas fare tomorrow and the abuse of one's body from an excessive intake of food and drink. It's the only way to soothe the pain of money ill spent and an empty purse or wallet. Oh woe is me!


As I write this, I am preparing to watch the midnight mass on the telly so I can once again assume the mantle of piety as befitting the occasion. A few rumbustious carols and hymns and some suitably humble praying and pleas for forgiveness should redress the balance and make me pure again. Well that's the theory. The truth of it is probably more like I'm riven with sin from end to end and irrecuperable! Or is that irreclaimable? Or even irredeemable? But whatever it is, it ain't good. 


Still, I do wish there were less spending and less giving of objects at Christmas and more giving of time. To give of one's time to another is the most precious gift we can give: time cannot be bought, cannot be extended, and is finite. Making time for someone is the giving of ourselves, not the giving of objects, it is the offer of our personal presence and company. Time given cannot be seen but its passage is very noticeable; it cannot be touched but its effects are very palpable. Perhaps people would do well to give more of their time and less of soulless objects which are often deposited in a hurry with the recipient for lack of.... time.

Christmas Thoughts I

So here we are again, at the threshold of another Christmas, poised to enjoy ourselves, by hook or by crook, and dreading what may go wrong over this critical period. The festivities have begun, Xmas cards sent out and pre-Xmas bashes attended; Xmas shopping is well under way if not already done, presents have been bought, wrapped up and some of them even given out, and Xmas fare has been brought in and stuffed in the larder and the fridge which is now groaning under the weight. There may be some last-minute things to do, some last-minute arrangements to see to, some last-minute gifts or food items to get in before you can finally sit back and contemplate Christmas Day with equanimity and without suffering panic attacks. Anything missing, anything not right, anything that needs fixing, must be attended to now because time is quickly running out.

Well, this is one side of Christmas, maybe the side most familiar to all of us. But there is another side. This is the time of the year when everything is magnified, when anything that is bad in your life will be felt all the keener and appear all the worse. If, for some reason, there is sadness in your heart, the sadness will seem all that greater. If... your life has taken a wrong turning, you are missing the company of someone, you have lost a loved one, certain relationships have gone sour or broken down, certain hopes have been dashed, aspirations snuffed out, dreams wrecked... if you feel you have been treated badly or snubbed by certain friends or relations... if you feel alone, forgotten, unloved, deprived of the affection of certain persons... in short, if things are not as they should be and your life is in a mess or seems empty and meaningless, then Christmas will heighten your sadness and your sorrow and, though you might put on a brave face and try to join in with others in the festive spirit, deep down inside you’re hurting and you cannot wait for Christmas to be over so you don’t have to pretend to be merry and joyful and happy and you won’t have to take part in all the festive activities that have become a part of the Christmas ethos.

Yet there is worse to be found in this world... there are those who are truly alone, who have no-one to care about them, who are deprived of human warmth and affection, who, for one reason or another, are isolated from society in general... the old and the infirm, the mentally and physically handicapped, those who have little or no family or friends or have been abandoned over the years by their close ones. There will be people who dread Christmas, fearful of spending it alone or in the company of strangers or persons indifferent to or resentful of them. Essentially they are the four h’s... the homeless, the helpless, the hopeless, and the hapless, and they are unlikely to feel much festive cheer and comfort at this time, rather their plight will be accentuated and they will feel even more benighted and more bereft.

Truly this is a world of many divisions and discrepancies and life is a constant struggle to survive and to be happy for as long as we have breath in our body. Christmas time sharpens our senses, concentrates our minds, intensifies our emotions and exaggerates our reactions. At Christmas the good seems better but the bad seems worse. There are no shades of grey, only black and white. Relationships are tested to breaking point and tolerance is stretched to the limit. The demands and upsets of Christmas can constitute a tinder-box. It needs just that little spark to set it off. But, with all that said, Christmas can be a time of great joy, of togetherness, of camaraderie, of celebration and goodwill, even, dare i say it, of Christian charity and love, when we all commemorate in our own way the birth of a baby those many centuries ago who, whether we believe in him or not, shook this world to its very foundations and transformed it forever.